Three Hours in Hell
by Yuki Terai
Summary: Women... Wine... Cigarettes... a place Gojyo will ever desire... or not.


Disclaimer: Saiyuki doesn't belong to me, so are the characters. Enjoy!

Three Hours in Hell

"Gojyo, where are you going?" Goku asked.

"I'm going to a non-children place." Gojyo said.

"But... I can't carry all these myself!" Goku said, looking at the plastic bags with the things they bought.

"Ah, wait for Hakkai. He will come out and help you in no time at all. All you have to do is just wait here like a good boy." Gojyo turned around and left. Goku called after him but he did not turn around.

Gojyo stopped and looked up at the big board hung on a shop, "CASSINO AND PUB" written in small below was "All the women, cigarettes, wine and liquor you ever want!"

A wicked grin cross over Gojyo's face. And as expected, he walked into the Cassino, or a pub. "I just walked pass this place just now. This is the first time I've heard of a cassino and a pub combined together. This sounds like fun!"

At the entrance stood two sexy women wearing the sexiest clothes. They welcomed Gojyo as soon as he stepped in. "Hi there, handsome." one of them said sexily. "Would you like to date with me?"

"Why, sure!" Gojyo said at once and put his arm around her hips.

"How about me?" another one said. "Am I not sexy enough for you?" She bit her lower lip, looking at him with puppy eyes.

"Aww, come here my sweetie. Of course you are beautiful."

He put his arm around the second woman's hips, too. The two of them kissed him on the cheeks.

Boy! This is heaven on earth! Gojyo thought to himself grinning.

Gojyo had a really fun time gambling, though he lost a lot of money. But manage to get them back by cheating in the end. "Go, Gojyo!" the women cheered.

The challenger banged the table and stood up. The chair made a screechy sound as it scraped against the floor. "Cheh!" He threw the cards hard on the table with rage.

Gojyo laughed. "Nobody could ever defeat me. I'm the King of Gamblers."

More and more women surrounded Gojyo. "Hey there, pretty. You're pretty good." a woman in red said.

"Nah. You're pretty yourself."

"Hum! Show off!" the challenger said and stomped of.

Another girl in pink came with a bottle of wine and two wine glasses in her hands. "Hey there, care to join me for some wine?"

"Sure!"

All the women at once said: "You must be tired, let me masage your shoulders." "Here, have some wine." "Wanna smoke? I got cigarettes." "Some peanuts?"

"Ah..." Gojyo sighed. "Heaven." He looked at all the women surrounding him. He reached out his hand to the sexiest yet most beautiful of them all, "Come and sit on my lap, sweetie-pie."

Some of the girls were disappointed that they were not chosen. They wailed.

"Don't worry, everybody has a turn." he laughed.

The women laughed, "Your face is turning red." "Going red, going red." "Are you sure you can still drink?"

"Of coures! Watch me." The girls gasped and cheered when Gojyo gulped down a big mug of beer. "Ah..."

The women clapped their hands.

Gojyo put a cigarette in his mouth and at once, one of them quickly took a lighter and lit it for him. "Sank-you. Here is some tips for you." he said, giving her a thousand yen.

"Thank you, darling." she said and pecked him on the cheeks. Then she turned and left.

Three hours nearly passed and the whole table was practically covered with empty beer mugs. The ashtrays were covered with mountain of used cigarettes, and yet, Gojyo was still sipping some wine, hiccuping.

Two women were playing with his long red hair. Most of them went to the dance floor and danced.

Gojyo leaned back and shut his eyes. He suddenly remembered something and stood up at once.

"Gojyo-san?" one of them said. "Where are you going?"

"Guess I have to get going, ladies." Gojyo said, picking up his vest from the couch.

The women wailed. "Can't you stay here a little while longer?"

"I'm afraid I can't." Gojyo turned and made a leave.

"Bye." the women said sadly as Gojyo walked out of the pub.

Gojyo walked down the lane. "Dammit, I forgot all about that baka saru!" He quickly pick up the phase when he picture Sanzo firing his gun at him, and Hakkai nagging, and Goku yelling in his ears.

"...!"

The alcohol and cigarettes took it's toll and Gojyo felt a painful ache in his chest. He stopped halfway and collapsed on a nearby tree, clutching his aching chest. "Damn! I must have drank too much beer and wine."

Every time he breathes, his chest ache even more.

Fortunately, there was a lady who walked by stopped to help him. Gojyo's sight turns blur, and he can't tell whether he is still concious or unconcious.

Gojyo opened his eyes. He found himself lying on the ground. He got up and looked around him. He's not quite sure where he was. He stood up and dusted his pants. "I don't remember being here. Where is this place anyway?"

Infront of him, he saw a forked road with two different paths and two signboards.

One path was a huge highwaywith a beautiful limousine and a chauffeur in attendance at the side. And the sign read "Path to Hell: All the wine, women, cigarettes and money you will ever desire."

"Ooh..." Gojyo said, rubbing his hands together when he read the signboard.

The other road was a desolate, barren one. It looked long and dusty, much like a desserted jogging path. And the signboard simply said "Gateway to Heaven: Eternal life and peace."

Gojyo didn't feel like walking or jogging all the way to Heaven. It sounded like a long, long path. And anyway, eternal life and peace sounded pretty boring to him. "Ah, that boring place suits Sanzo well, but not me."

So Gojyo beckoned the chauffeur and beautiful white limousine over and told the driver, "To Hell, please and make it quick."

Gojyo was immediately driven to a place. The place was not unlike Las Vegas where the driver stopped the limousine right in front of a gigantic luxurious hotel. "Wow!" Gojyo exclaimed. "This is great!"

The chauffeur came out of the front seat and opened the door for Gojyo. "Please, sir."

Gojyo stepped out of the limousine and looked all around him. His jaw dropped open.

"This way, please." the chauffuer said, leading Gojyo up the stairs.

Gojyo was immediately booked into a hotel room.

"You may go and rest in you room now, sir." the chauffuer said and disappeared outside.

Gojyo watched as the chauffuer slowly walked out of the entrance door, then he went to the lift and up to his hotel room.

Gojyo slipped in the card key into the door and went in. He gasped. "This... This is great! The place that I have always dreamt of!"

There was a king sized bed, two bedside tables, red carpet floor, a big glass wall as a window and a small coffee table with two red sofa chairs beside the big glass window.

As a chain-smoker, he immediately felt the urge to have a cigarette. "Cigarette... Cigarette..." he said, searching all over the room.

There was a carton of Marlboros by the bedside table and Gojyo quickly opened a packet and put a cigarette in his mouth. But try as he did, he couldn't find a lighter or any matches lying around. "Tch-eh!"

He sat down on the bed, picked up the phone from the bedside table and dialled the room service for a packet of matches.

"Sorry, sir," came the reply. "Our signboard promised unlimited cigarettes but we never said anything about lighters."

By that time, Gojyo was almost going crazy as he was a compulsive smoker and the craving was so strong. He slammed shut the phone and lay down on the bed. In his mind were only cigarettes. Only compulsive smokers will know how it feels like of having a cigarette and no lighter.

To distract himself, Gojyo got up and looked in the thick phone book and dialled an escort service. As promised on the signboard, he opened his wallet and found a thick wad of thousand dollar notes and a variety of platinum credit cards. "Oh, yeah."

The phone beeped a few times before an answer came. "Send me the best woman you have," Gojyo said. "And quickly please."

He went to the sofa beside the window and sat down. He leaned back, looking out at the window with all the lights of houses and buildings. "Ah, a cup of coffee won't hurt."

He got up from the sofa and went to a table with all the cups and tea spoons. He took a cup and a spoon, but there was no coffee or tea packets anywhere!

Again, Gojyo picked up the phone from the bedside table and dialled for the room service.

An answer came, "I'm sorry, sir. Our signboard didn't say anything about coffee."

"Does everything have to be written on the signboard!" Gojyo yelled and slammed shut the phone.

Frustrated, he went to the sofa and sat down hard on it. He groaned.

Twenty minutes later, a voluptuous woman knocked on the door and came in. She's dressed in a black sexy dress wearing black high-heel shoes, her lips was as red as blood but Gojyo feel her very beautiful.

"Ah, this is not so bad after all." he said.

Gojyo was pretty good with women. But this time, no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't 'perform' like how he use to. In other words, he screwed it all up by babbling too much.

"You're just the same as all of my customers." said the most sexiest and most beautiful woman Gojyo have ever seen in his life. "I thought you were different for having long hair and red eyes, but no. All your attitutes are the same."

Ooops.

The woman stood up from the bed and went to the door. She turned around and looked at him, "Don't feel so bad, all my customers have the same problem. It's the gravity in Hell you see." She then opened the door and went out.

Gojyo was left dumb-founded.

Gojyo was begining to think that this was all a sick joke.

Gojyo sighed. "Hell is not a really good place after all."

There was a bottle of wine and XO's arranged on a class cabinet. Gojyo took one and uncorked it. "Looks like it is good after all!"

He drank some to soothe his throat while trying to figure out a way to escape from this 'Hell'.

Gojyo nearly spat out his first sip. The wine tasted like oolong tea!

He took a bottle of XO and uncorked it as well. But it also tasted like oolong tea.

"What the hell!"

Gojyo stomped to the phone and dialled the room service again. The reply came, "I'm so sorry, Satan runs this place but God is the boss after all. Alcohol is not permitted in Hell."

"Aaaaaargh!!!" Gojyo screamed. "What kind of place is this?! Am I going to be trapped in this $#!-hole forever?!"

Hell had all the trappings of luxury but it was all a lie, an illusion.

Gojyo fret around the room. He ran to the door and wanted to get out but it got stuck. He gave it a tug but it still would not open. "Kuso!" he said, jiggling the door knob.

He ran to the bed and searched for the room's card key, throwing the blanket and the pillows of the bed.

"Aha!" Gojyo laughed evily and madly after he found the card key. He leapped of the bed and ran to the door, but knocked his head on the cupboard and passed out.

"Gojyo! Gojyo!" Hakkai cried. "Daijobu desu-ka? Gojyo!"

Gojyo opened his eyes and saw a worried look on Hakkai's face.

Hakkai sighed. "Yokata."

"Em?" Gojyo said. "Where am I?"

"You're lying on a bed in a hospital, baka!" came a familiar voice.

"...Eh...Sanzo..." Gojyo sweatdropped.

"You suddenly fainted in the middle of the road. Fortunately there's a trained nurse passed by." Hakkai said.

"Oooh?! Where is she now?"

"She's gone to treat some other patient."

"Oh."

The door slammed open and in came Goku. "Kuso kappa! Why did you faint in the middle of the road instead of helping me carry those plastic bags?!"

"Uruse, baka saru. It's nothing got to do with you." Gojyo said.

Hakkai's nose twitched. He nearered his nose to Gojyo and sniffed. "Gojyo, are you wearing women's perfume?"

Gojyo stopped. "...No."

"Then, who does your hair?" Hakkai said.

Gojyo felt around his hair and found out that they were plated. It must be those two women who played with his hair at the pub just now. "...I wanted to be neater so I plated them."

"Did you drink?"

"Why are you asking me so many questions?!"

"Eew... What's that smell?" Goku said, pinching his nose.

Gojyo covered his mouth with his hand and smelled his own breath. Pooh! It's pretty obvious that Gojyo has been drinking wine and beer, and smoked too. "No." Gojyo denied. "It must be your own breath, baka saru."

"Don't call me saru! You stinky-breath kappa!"

"Nani?! You wanna-"

"Maa maa, Gojyo. You're not fully recovered yet." Hakkai said, and pinned Gojyo back down on his bed by the shoulders.

Gojyo put his hands behind his head and rested on it. "Ah... I wish there's a beautiful nurse here to treat me."

"Ah! There she is." Hakkai said.

"Eh?! Where? Where?"

Sweat pours down Gojyo's head as an old lady wearing a nurse's uniform came in with a tray of medicine. "Medicine time!" she said shrielly.

"Ikuso!" Sanzo said and walked out of the hospital. Goku followed behind.

Gojyo went out and looked at the setting sun. The wind blew his hair. Gojyo breathed in the fresh air... and breathe out.

According to the doctor, Gojyo stopped breathing for a few minutes. But what he had experienced in 'Hell' was like a few hours. Maybe it was a nightmare but he never want to go back to that place again.

Well, reality is better than Hell I suppose. he thought.

He breathed in and breathed out again.

Suddenly, Hakkai came up to him. In his hands were big bags of things they bought. "Congratulations for being well again. Please help us carry these." Hakkai grinned.

Gojyo didn't like that grin. Before giving Gojyo a chance to say yes or no, or run away, Hakkai just chucked everything onto Gojyo's hands. Finding that there wasn't enough space for another bag, he balanced it on Gojyo's head.

Hakkai dusted his hands. "Help us carry them to the car, please."

"Oi, oi! Chotto! I can't carry all these by myself!" Gojyo yelled, struggling to look at Hakkai. "It's too much!"

"That's how I felt." Goku said.

"Baka saru! Come here and help me!"

"Urusai!" Sanzo yelled and fired his gun into the air. "Go buy me a packet of cigarettes. And don't ever come back without it!"

"Why should I listen to you?!" Gojyo said.

"Hm! You were the one who suddenly fainted in the middle of the road and was sent to the hospital. And I have to pay for your stupid treatment!"

"You were not the one who paid, it's the Gods that's paying." Gojyo said.

Sanzo pointed the gun at Gojyo's legs and released a few shots at him, causing him to drop all the plastic bags. "Oi! You could have shot my leg!"

"Go buy me cigarettes before I really shoot you." And with that, Sanzo released a few shots at Gojyo again.

Gojyo managed to dodge them and he quickly ran to the cigarette shop.

"Looks like I hate reality after all!!!"

A/N: So, how is it? I hope it's satisfying enough for you. Review please and don't hesitate to say it sucks, okay, so I could write a better story for you. Well, sayounara! And don't forget to review!


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